I just found out that I have a draft blog post left on my blogger account with something wirtten like this:
"I cannot believe that totally forgot why I was not happy the last time what made me unhappy the last time, now I remember it: it was the freaking line ,and I am in one of those lines now. Very stressful.
Long long long line at on site registration"
I think I wrote that while I was upset for being pointed as "transvester" while I was lining up for A-kon anime conference registration. It was a while ago so it wasn't that hurtful anymore. Still, I am trying to make it as a reminder to encourage myself being kind to the others, because there's already enough hate, hurtfulness and rejection in this world. We need more love and acceptance instead.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
It must be tough to be a girl
I knew I am sensitive to rejection. Not being accepted, being isolated, being ignored and being discriminated can really destroy me. But at least I am also crave for satisfaction from doing great work, found accomplishment on creating something good, or found myself fully utilize my time doing productive activities. So my male DNA kept me from totally relying on social relationship to gain happiness.
Girls, on the other hand, are born to be social animal. Their happiness mostly built on the top of being socially accepted, and for most of them the ultimate goal in their life is to find someone who they can depend on, someone they love, and importantly, someone who loves them. That's why breaking up or divorce is such a big deal to them. But then I was also told that girls recover from breaking up faster than man. I guess that maybe caused by the fact that they are highly social, and thus have more experience on dealing with hardship in relationships.
People tends to ignore the fact that when they try to get something, they also get the things that comes along. When you married a guy, you get the things you like about him, but you also get the things you don't like. And in most case, the things you don't like about him will stay being like that forever, and you have to deal with the fact that you will not get the perfect him. That perfection image is only in your dream, and will never become reality. So for the same reason, when a guy wants to be become a girl, he shall also prepare to get all the good things and bad things about being a girl. And in a social norm of looking down transgender people, there's way more negative things you will have to endure. So count the cost before jumping in. But once you are in, be proud for being yourself and for the fact that you are brave enough to make that commitment.
Girls, on the other hand, are born to be social animal. Their happiness mostly built on the top of being socially accepted, and for most of them the ultimate goal in their life is to find someone who they can depend on, someone they love, and importantly, someone who loves them. That's why breaking up or divorce is such a big deal to them. But then I was also told that girls recover from breaking up faster than man. I guess that maybe caused by the fact that they are highly social, and thus have more experience on dealing with hardship in relationships.
People tends to ignore the fact that when they try to get something, they also get the things that comes along. When you married a guy, you get the things you like about him, but you also get the things you don't like. And in most case, the things you don't like about him will stay being like that forever, and you have to deal with the fact that you will not get the perfect him. That perfection image is only in your dream, and will never become reality. So for the same reason, when a guy wants to be become a girl, he shall also prepare to get all the good things and bad things about being a girl. And in a social norm of looking down transgender people, there's way more negative things you will have to endure. So count the cost before jumping in. But once you are in, be proud for being yourself and for the fact that you are brave enough to make that commitment.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
表演服
約了朋友Skype視象通訊，朋友卻「放了飛機」。反正已經上了妝，便找了一套之前未用過來拍照的服裝，準備拍些照片。郤又發覺相機在車上，不想一身表演服行出車房，於是用iPad. 說了一大堆，還不是要替拍攝效果不好，來個開脫。
Sunday, May 20, 2012
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Why I don't take phone call
A new friend asked if he could call me, and I think I need more than "no, I don't" to explain why I don't like taking phone call from any human being in this world unless it's life and death situation:
1. Most phone calls I took were related to life and death situation:
since I screen and ignore almost all the phone, those that got through were usually emergency calls, and in this world emergency call usually means bad stuff. They were like bosses hunting me down, accountant hunting me down, church hunting me down ... you got the idea. So basically I was conditioned to associate phone call with all the bad scenarios. But you might ask why I screen call in the right place, which brings to my second reason ....
2. Busy busy busy
My day job frequently requires me to work overtime, sometime work til midnight or even later. And when I am working I need to be laser focus, or my mind will wander around and next thing I know I start surfing the web for 3 hours finding out what the bands I used to love are doing these days. And when I am not working, I usually try my very best to devote as much time practicing drawing as possible. That also take a lot of effort because a lot of time I will get distracted by my music keyboard, guitar, manga, Wii, 3DS, iPad, XBox360, PS3 .... and next thing I know I might have played Super Mario Galaxy for 3 hours and then deeply blaming myself. So even I don't know when I will be practicing drawing, and like working, I need laser focus when I draw.
3. I am a self-centered bitch
That should be reason number 1 actually. But even that needs explanation. Some of you may wonder why teenagers love to text and sometimes even prefer text instead of making phone call. One of the reasons is that phone call is being considered by young people as an intrusive way of communication. It's basically saying "hey, I need your attention now, so give it to me!" Texting, on the other hand, is being considered as a respectful way of communication, saying "I have a message for you, and you can read it when you have time," So, yeah, this young generation is a whole generation of ego freak, so get used to it, or start a Hungry Game to gradually getting rid of all of them :-P. But, wait, there's more ....
4. I am also a cheap bastard
I came from Hong Kong so I am so spoiled by the super low mobile voice and data plan in Hong Kong. Still, I hate all those expansive monthly contract bounded data plans provided by US carriers. After doing tons of research for years and examined my use case, I concluded that I should use prepaid phone with my Android (HTC Desire). That works out very well for me since now my monthly cost on phone is like less than US$5. Of course, that turned my Android phone from a smart phone to a dumb phone that happens to run Angry Bird Space. I also pay US$30 per month for my iPad data plan so that I can use browse the web, listen to podcast, use Skype, check Facebook, send Twitter message and so on anytime I want. Since that US$30 is a no-contract unlimited data plan (and I still haven't find time to seriously abuse it), I find it a better deal than than $50+ per month voice + data plan. Short story long, so you see that every single voice call cost me extra money, and I fulfill most of the Chinese stereotype, including being cheap.
5. I take conversation seriously
The final point seems contradicts all the above point, but let me explain. I tried avoid random phone calls (and along the way, all the junk calls). But when I need to communicate with someone, I always want to truly devote my time and dedication. I want to do nothing but make that vocal conversation, instead of treating the call as a background task while I am doing other more important stuff like doing laundry, cooking, walking or even driving. That's why I like Skype since it forces both party to sit down and have a nice dedicated conversation.
So there you go, my long explanation about why I don't take your phone call.
1. Most phone calls I took were related to life and death situation:
since I screen and ignore almost all the phone, those that got through were usually emergency calls, and in this world emergency call usually means bad stuff. They were like bosses hunting me down, accountant hunting me down, church hunting me down ... you got the idea. So basically I was conditioned to associate phone call with all the bad scenarios. But you might ask why I screen call in the right place, which brings to my second reason ....
2. Busy busy busy
My day job frequently requires me to work overtime, sometime work til midnight or even later. And when I am working I need to be laser focus, or my mind will wander around and next thing I know I start surfing the web for 3 hours finding out what the bands I used to love are doing these days. And when I am not working, I usually try my very best to devote as much time practicing drawing as possible. That also take a lot of effort because a lot of time I will get distracted by my music keyboard, guitar, manga, Wii, 3DS, iPad, XBox360, PS3 .... and next thing I know I might have played Super Mario Galaxy for 3 hours and then deeply blaming myself. So even I don't know when I will be practicing drawing, and like working, I need laser focus when I draw.
3. I am a self-centered bitch
That should be reason number 1 actually. But even that needs explanation. Some of you may wonder why teenagers love to text and sometimes even prefer text instead of making phone call. One of the reasons is that phone call is being considered by young people as an intrusive way of communication. It's basically saying "hey, I need your attention now, so give it to me!" Texting, on the other hand, is being considered as a respectful way of communication, saying "I have a message for you, and you can read it when you have time," So, yeah, this young generation is a whole generation of ego freak, so get used to it, or start a Hungry Game to gradually getting rid of all of them :-P. But, wait, there's more ....
4. I am also a cheap bastard
I came from Hong Kong so I am so spoiled by the super low mobile voice and data plan in Hong Kong. Still, I hate all those expansive monthly contract bounded data plans provided by US carriers. After doing tons of research for years and examined my use case, I concluded that I should use prepaid phone with my Android (HTC Desire). That works out very well for me since now my monthly cost on phone is like less than US$5. Of course, that turned my Android phone from a smart phone to a dumb phone that happens to run Angry Bird Space. I also pay US$30 per month for my iPad data plan so that I can use browse the web, listen to podcast, use Skype, check Facebook, send Twitter message and so on anytime I want. Since that US$30 is a no-contract unlimited data plan (and I still haven't find time to seriously abuse it), I find it a better deal than than $50+ per month voice + data plan. Short story long, so you see that every single voice call cost me extra money, and I fulfill most of the Chinese stereotype, including being cheap.
5. I take conversation seriously
The final point seems contradicts all the above point, but let me explain. I tried avoid random phone calls (and along the way, all the junk calls). But when I need to communicate with someone, I always want to truly devote my time and dedication. I want to do nothing but make that vocal conversation, instead of treating the call as a background task while I am doing other more important stuff like doing laundry, cooking, walking or even driving. That's why I like Skype since it forces both party to sit down and have a nice dedicated conversation.
So there you go, my long explanation about why I don't take your phone call.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
三年前造的一件旗袍
昨晚跟朋友去派對，順道捧朋友組的樂隊的場，
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