I just found out that I have a draft blog post left on my blogger account with something wirtten like this:


"I cannot believe that totally forgot why I was not happy the last time what made me unhappy the last time, now I remember it: it was the freaking line ,and I am in one of those lines now. Very stressful.

Long long long line at on site registration"


I think I wrote that while I was upset for being pointed as "transvester" while I was lining up for A-kon anime conference registration.  It was a while ago so it wasn't that hurtful anymore.  Still, I am trying to make it as a reminder to encourage myself being kind to the others, because there's already enough hate, hurtfulness and rejection in this world.  We need more love and acceptance instead.

It must be tough to be a girl

I knew I am sensitive to rejection.  Not being accepted, being isolated, being ignored and being discriminated can really destroy me.  But at least I am also crave for satisfaction from doing great work, found accomplishment on creating something good, or found myself fully utilize my time doing productive activities.  So my male DNA kept me from totally relying on social relationship to gain happiness.

Girls, on the other hand, are born to be social animal.  Their happiness mostly built on the top of being socially accepted, and for most of them the ultimate goal in their life is to find someone who they can depend on, someone they love, and importantly, someone who loves them.  That's why breaking up or divorce is such a big deal to them.  But then I was also told that girls recover from breaking up faster than man.  I guess that maybe caused by the fact that they are highly social, and thus have more experience on dealing with hardship in relationships.

People tends to ignore the fact that when they try to get something, they also get the things that comes along.  When you married a guy, you get the things you like about him, but you also get the things you don't like.  And in most case, the things you don't like about him will stay being like that forever, and you have to deal with the fact that you will not get the perfect him.  That perfection image is only in your dream, and will never become reality.  So for the same reason, when a guy wants to be become a girl, he shall also prepare to get all the good things and bad things about being a girl.  And in a social norm of looking down transgender people, there's way more negative things you will have to endure.  So count the cost before jumping in.  But once you are in, be proud for being yourself and for the fact that you are brave enough to make that commitment.

表演服

約了朋友Skype視象通訊，朋友卻「放了飛機」。反正已經上了妝，便找了一套之前未用過來拍照的服裝，準備拍些照片。郤又發覺相機在車上，不想一身表演服行出車房，於是用iPad. 說了一大堆，還不是要替拍攝效果不好，來個開脫。